the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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