Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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