The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
