If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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