Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So vagazzling was a success
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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