in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
