she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
