? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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