so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
