I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
