listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
