I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Sorry my hands just texted you
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
