You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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