I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
