He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
