If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
