can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
