.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
