did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
