When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
In America we eat man semen.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
