I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
