Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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