Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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