Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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