Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
