Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
