You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
