so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
