I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
