fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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