I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I love you.
Bad choice
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
