No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
