I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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