woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
