Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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