hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
