i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
