Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Randomize
