Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
