Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Couch. On fire.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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