Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
