dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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