if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
