420 ftw
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
