We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
