Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
if only i could text you this smell
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
