i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i love accidental penises.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
