It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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