Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
