I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
