is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
