there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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