You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
